It's 8 days before my birthday and I have no plans. I always had a plan even when I didn't have plans for my birthday. This time, this year, I have no plans because all my plans went out the window. My house of cards got blown apart. Maybe I just didn't see it but things have been coming apart since last year. Maybe it took me all this time to realize that but I fought it. I made this elaborate master plan to fight my fate... So here I am now with nothing but my day to day existence. Perhaps that is God at work trying to tell me something.
I've been working since 1993. I worked hard to always be working. I had a career. At one point I had a car. Then I worked at it again and had my second car. Now I'm unemployed. I have debts coming out of my ears. No real estate to my name. No car. Maybe I'm a shareholder to two separate businesses that will maybe earn me some money. Maybe. Nevertheless, I am penniless and without a reason to show up anywhere today or tomorrow. It doesn't matter how hard I worked. It doesn't matter what I have proven to myself or others. When God takes away, he takes away everything.
You know what, he's right though. None of what I've had meant anything lasting. Nothing other than my family. Nothing other than the friends I made along the way. Nothing but nothing I can keep in a box. Everything I earned and saved up are invisible and kept safely in my heart.
God is right. I need a Home. I need someone to find me. I don't know who he is for certain. I mean maybe I do, and maybe I hope he turns out to be that certain someone. But maybe I can still be wrong. But one thing's for certain. I'm done planning and searching. This search and rescue operations is up to God. This is the hide and seek that I will sit out until I'm found.
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